10 Signs You're A Fulltime Writer

10. Running out of ink in your pen or batteries in your cordless keyboard makes you happy. It shows progress. 

9. You tend to talk to yourself. No I don’t. Yes you do. Like all the time. Says who? You do and so just shut it. Listen, big hair, get a life. Don’t tell me what to do. I’m your inner voice and I follow you everywhere. I swear I’m gonna mute you. You can’t ‘cause I’ll forever italicize your life . . . 

8. You have absolutely no idea when your check is coming.

7. You have lots and lots of friends. Unfortunately, they’re all characters in your stories. They follow you everywhere even when you tell them to stay back at the office.

6. A strange undecipherable thing shows up every six months in your mailbox. It's called a royalty report.

5. You’ll never worry about wearing the same thing two days in a row. ‘Cause you know—the four walls just don’t care.

4. Adult conversation suddenly seems riveting. You find yourself refusing to leave the checkout line at a Trader Joe’s because you’re actually talking to another adult. And this one actually happens to be a male. It’s absolutely unreal. (Maybe that’s a sign you’re a fulltime writer with three young daughters at home . . . )

3. Everybody you know has a book idea. But none of them actually want to write it. I mean, come on—who seriously has anytime to write these days? That just takes so much time and effort . . .

2. Sometimes you let yourself go to get into character. And sometimes that means trying to grow long hair and a big beard. Sometimes your wife stops looking at you and begins to make promises about taking the children and leaving if you don’t shave. Sometimes you finally have to get the razor out and shave before you’re left on the curb. This is all completely hypothetical, of course.

1. Every now and then, your fingers work magic onto the screen. They keep going and going and going and then when they’re done you stop and read what you just wrote. Then you smile and go Man I’m good. Doesn’t happen often but can on any given day. ‘Cause that’s what you do. You write. Every day of the week. And you’re fortunate to do so. 

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