Top 10 Things I’ve Heard As A Writer (and what I'd LOVE to say back)

If you read this blog regularly, you’ve noticed my last, oh, a dozen or so posts have been rambling and melancholy bits about life. So I decided to do a fun top ten list to change things up a bit.

Last week I was at an event helping to sell books (the Celebrate Recovery summit at Saddleback Church in California). I was fortunate to meet a lot of people and hear comments about the books Never Let Go and Home Run. This made me think of the top things I’ve been told/asked since having my first book published in 2000. I made a list of ten of those things and replies I’d love to give (expect sarcasm). 

#1: Is that your real name or a pen name? 

No, my real name is Butch Longbow Heartblood. We just all thought it might be a little too much on the cover of a book. 

#2: You're so young to be a writer!

Thanks. Do they let you read novels at the old folks home?

#3. I can't believe you've written all those books! 

Actually, I haven't. I have a twin brother named Traverse. He writes the really crappy stuff. 

#4. Where do get your ideas from?

There’s a cute little shop in downtown Batavia where I work. It’s called Creative Ideas Inc. I try to buy them by the dozen.

#5. Is this a true story?

Yes, it actually happens to be 100% true. Don’t mind that word NOVEL on the cover. Or the whole description on the back cover about some made up character. This totally happened.

#6. Oh, wait . .  you wrote this?

Yes. I know I might seem quite dense after talking with you for ten minutes, but rest assured, I’m taking notes, and the next character I kill off in my story will be based on YOU.

#7. I have so many books that I just can’t buy another.

So wait. . . you’re saying my baby is ugly?

#8.  Is this your first book?

Yep. Those 25 others don’t count. Just this one.

#9. Oh, so you're a Christian author?

Yes, and I'd really like for you to read my stuff since you're a sinner and I’m desperately trying to help save your soul.

#10. I just LOVED this book and couldn’t stop until I finished it!

Tell that to the moron who gave me one freaking star on Amazon. Let’s go hunt him down. Now. 

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