What I'm Going For

            Emotional authenticity. That’s what I’m looking for.
            If you want a living room painted in prose or a subdivision summed up or some kind of colorful picture presented before you, look elsewhere. That bores me. I bet it bores you, too.
            We all know what living rooms look like and when you’re that into them, you should be looking at interior design magazines and not reading books.
            I want the core of a relationship presented on the page. In the only way I can do it.
            I get bored with too many words. I also always want to share the thoughts and the feeling and the emotion. Gushing away. Overflowing. Sentiment. Dripping. Yep. I overdo it and even when edited I might overdo it. So be it.
            I’d rather overdo emotion than description. If you want to see a beautiful sunset, go outside and watch it. I want to see a beautiful goodbye. I want to see the sunset fade onto a dying character finally full of hope. I want to find two unlikely characters suddenly put together and dealing with it in an authentic way. Not in a by-the-book plot-point sort of way. I want to do it in a way that feels real to me.
            I like the simple conversations you’ll remember decades later. I like the meaningful connections that change you. I love and adore and grasp on to the hope I see on a daily basis. God is real so sometimes He is real to characters I write. Sometimes. But not every time.
            There’s a scene we’ve seen a hundred times before. It bores me. What I love is trying to sum up the mood, the melody, the meandering of life as we know it. Hopefully I can drag along a character who is changing. Who is learning. Who is growing. But who is also every much like me.
            Stubborn. Selfish. Sarcastic. Cynical. Suspicious. Secret. In love with alliteration. In love with those simple, sweet moments that need some kind of beautiful soundtrack behind it.
            This is who I am. This is what I’m looking for.
            I have a hundred ideas I couldn’t write even if I was able to live a hundred more years. But in the midst of those, other projects come. I love them. I’m able to find the things I love to find and I try to do it in a fresh and meaningful way. I think it’s making sense and I think I’m trying to wrap stories around hope and I really think I’ve got a unique voice but whatever. Some get it and some don’t.
            I get it. This thing I’m striving for. An emotional moment or a mood portrayed in an authentic way. A series of them stringing unlikely heroes along until they may or may not find themselves and find their hope in life.
            Every day I’m still trying. Every day I’m still searching. Every day is a challenge. But those moments—those count for something. I love them. And I try my best. And I’m always going to keep trying. 

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