So I’m trusting. Trusting in
tonight. Believing in tomorrow, even if we’re not promised it.
In just three months I’ll celebrate
five years writing fulltime. Five freaking years. I use the word freak not as a
substitution of a curse word but literally as five years of freaking out.
That’s what I’ve been doing living my dream.
I recently attempted to jump off
this little boat I’ve been paddling. But today I learned I’d be staying in
these dark, silent waters for a little while longer. And I feel fine. I feel a bit relieved, to be honest.
The dream remains. The dream that’s
been there since third grade. The dream that will always be a part of who I am.
But here’s something else I’ve
I’ve been living the dream since
November 12, 2006. It’s called parenthood.
Each day, I see three
dreams-come-true look me in the eyes. There is the feisty one who demands
attention. There is the tender one who always seems to shy away. Then there is
the passionate one who will always be the first princess to land on my shores
and kiss the sleeping prince.
I slept a long time before being
awakened to a whole new world. A world that’s not my own. A world where I am
truly a better and blessed man.
I’ve spoken a lot about dreams on
this blog. About desires. To be honest, I’ve only shared a quarter of the things I’ve felt.
But I’ve been sprinting down this road, trying to make it big. Trying to
Meanwhile, I have won the lottery
of the heart. I have had my soul filled three times over.
When our eldest daughter, Kylie,
was younger, she would be watching one of those children’s channels and a
commercial would play the Bob Marley song “Three Little Birds.” We’d watch it
over and over and over again.
Today, I heard this
song during breakfast. The lyrics spoke to me. Like many song lyrics over my
Sure, who can resist Bob Marley
telling you "Don't worry 'bout a thing, 'Cause every little thing gonna be
But the reason the song spoke to me
this time was because of these lyrics. Ones I’d heard so many times but didn’t pay
much attention to:
Smiled with the risin' sun,
Of melodies pure and true,
Sayin', (‘This is my message to
Three little birds singing sweet songs saying ultimately to
not worry about a thing.
That’s my life, folks. Three little
birds greet me every morning and tell me that everything’s going to be all
right. Whether or not I continue to “live the dream” as a writer. Whether or
not whatever. Their smiles and their sounds tell me to relax and trust their
It’s impossible not to be thankful
when I see those little precious souls pitched by my doorstep every day.
What do you want out of me,
That’s what I ask. I’ve told enough
stories. If I need to sell insurance to provide for this family, okay. But everyday I’m told in one way or
another that I’m not supposed to sell insurance or Arby’s roast beef
sandwiches. No. I’m supposed to keep doing what I’m doing now. Writing.
But . . . I’m also reminded that it’s
not about me. That it’s never been about me. It should never be about me.
A long time ago in another life, I
thought I’d never see the day when one little bird visited my doorstep. I grew
resentful and even angry at God for depriving me of this beautiful and amazing
Now . . . well, I’m humbled that he
blessed my wife and I three times. Despite all the reasons we don’t deserve
I’m trying to keep that same
attitude when it comes to my writing. A career and a dream that I’m blessed by.
Three little birds tell me to not
worry. They tell me things will work out. They tell me that God will take care
of it. They tell me everything will be all right.
Tonight, I think of those three
little birds and tell myself I’m a blessed man.
Labels: Author Angst, dreams, journey, Ramblings, the future, The Girls