On The Verge

Having hiked for so long, so high up, I stand on the edge and look out, knowing I’m on the verge of something.

The question is what.

I don’t believe you go this far without something happening.

I believe you can reach the summit. Or you can trip and fall off the edge of the mountain.

Or a violent snowstorm can come and trap you in your tracks and cause you to slowly freeze to death. But that’s the worst case scenario.

What’s the best case scenario?

Sometimes I have no idea. I’m so exhausted from the climbing and the never-ending footprints in the snow that I have no clue what the top will look like. Have I already reached it and I’m just circling the peak in vain?

Or will the clouds start to separate one day and I’ll see the top and stand there and know I’ve made it?

Has this climbing all been in vain? Should I be doing something else, like surfing or hang gliding or bicycling?

Sometimes I feel like my equipment is shoddy and in need of repair.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too old to be doing this.

Sometimes I feel like I’m too young to really know where to go and how to go about journeying there.

Most of the time I’m just tired. But I keep going.

Because I love hiking. I love climbing. I love exploring. I love breathing in this air. I love feeling this way.

It’s a solitary task. Day after day, step after step. Others are there to help and assist but ultimately I’m the only one who can keep these legs moving and keep these lungs breathing.

I’m the only one who can continue to believe that there’s more mountain to see and there’s a summit left to climb.

God shows me I’m doing the right thing day after day. But sometimes I wonder about that too. Have I been at too high an altitude to know the difference between God’s will and my own? Have I been breathing my own oxygen too many times?

I wonder about that daily as I keep climbing.

Knowing I continue to stay right on the verge.

Right on the edge.

That’s what I remind myself and repeat over and over again.

Keep right on going, Travis.

So I do.

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