Being a full-time novelist these days can be a difficult thing. Sometimes it's tough to drown out the anxious thoughts that can wake up with you and linger around until bedtime.
Here are just a few things that might be going through one's mind as he goes throughout his day:
"What if they decide to completely reject this book?"
"What if they forget to pay me?"
"What if they decide to make me rewrite this story. AGAIN?"
"What if they make me go through the editing process in one week?"
"What if the editor laughs at me and infers that I'll never, ever have a career at writing?"
"What if they say they're going to wait and see how the books do in order to keep publishing more?
"What if they never say anything about the book?"
"What if my royalty report makes my head hurt?"
"What if I get a twenty dollar royalty check?"
"What if they make a mistake in the printing of the book?"
"What if they decide to cancel my contract with them?"
"What if I book thirty signings and nobody ever shows up for them?"
"What if it makes more sense to go to Wall Street than be a full-time novelist?"
"What if I know what they're saying in terms of how to fix the story but have no idea how to really do it?"
"What if I figure out I have to write four novels in nine months?"
"What if they neglect to sign a contract with me before I write and finish one of those four novels?"
"What if the advance is a lot lower than I hoped for?"
"What if the marketing department suddenly moved to Guam (at least I'm hoping that's the case since I have never heard from them)?"
"What if they suddenly republish one of my out-of-print books?"
"What if they discount one of my books so much they're practically giving it away?"
"What if I wake up tomorrow and can't write another sentence that moves me?"
"What if I look at the 100,000 word manuscript and think it's absolute crap?"
"What if I wonder why I'm not getting any better?"
"Why does Ted Dekker have close to 100,000 fans on Facebook and I don't even have 1,000?"
"Why do I care about Dekker's fans on Facebook?"
"What if someone shows up at my door and tells me to just stop and get a real job?"
"What if I never write that break-out book?"
"What if I really, truly just suck?"
Phew. Good thing I don't have questions like those to haunt me all day long! That would sure be exhausting, not to mention a bit troubling.
Bye for now. I have to go bribe some more people to become fans of me on Facebook . . .
Labels: Author Angst, journey, Ramblings, When You're A Fulltime Writer