The Five Stages Of Author Booksignings


1. Denial – After standing there for half an hour and realizing absolutely nobody is showing it, you start saying "I feel fine" and "This can't be happening, not to me."
 Denial is usually only a temporary defense for the author. At least they gave you a free frappuccino.

2. Anger – An hour into the booksigning, you begin to ask "Why me? It's not fair!" and "How can this happen to me?". You also usually ask "Who is to blame?" By now you’ve probably sold one copy. If you’re lucky.

3.Bargaining – Soon you begin to bargain with customers, store personnel, even God. "Just let me sell enough to justify coming.”; "I'll do anything just to sell a dozen"; "I will be a better man if I can just sell a few freaking books. .. . " 
The third stage involves the hope that the individual can somehow postpone or delay death. Er--I mean postpone their book going out of print.

4. Depression – If you’re still there after a couple of hours, depression kicks in. “I'm so sad, why bother ever writing again?"; "I'm not James Patterson... What's the point?"; "I missed dinner and I’d like a taco" 
During the fourth stage, the author begins to understand the stupidity of booksignings. And they wonder why that creepy lady keeps hovering around.

5. Acceptance – You finally sell a few copies and realize that it’s just part of being a writer. "It's going to be okay."; "I can't fight it, I may as well joke around with the sales people.” "Good thing I brought this flask." 
In this last stage, the individual begins to come to terms with the fact that they’ll never be Stephanie Meyer.

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